Learning to Leap

Virtual learning. The two most terrifying words a parent of an elementary-aged child could hear. While the kids may be the ones in class, we, the parents, are being tested. Ethan’s school wisely planned for virtual learning the first week of January to allow students and faculty to be tested for COVID following the holiday break. As Omicron¹ surged, the school extended virtual learning for another week. Ten days. That was the thought at the front of my mind. Ten days of being a teacher’s assistant, IT support, counselor, full-time IT Consultant², and dad! Throw in a couple of snow days where Lennox’s daycare was closed, and it starts to seem like an impossible task. As I often tell Ethan, “Difficult is not the same as impossible.”

My parenting style can be summed up by two words: patience and affirmation. I have a lot³ of patience with my kids. In fact, sometimes, I wonder if my tolerance level is actually a detriment to them. I haven’t physically spanked Ethan in years. I can’t remember the last time I actually spanked him. Lennox is full speed ahead in his terrible two’s. Still, I don’t believe spanking him at this age would be helpful⁴. I can see the results of my patience, both good and bad. Both my sons trust me and love my presence. Lennox will literally follow me around the house just to sit next to me. He will grab his blanket and find me when he wants to take a nap⁵. Ethan and I have a real friendship. We actually have common interests. Some of which⁶ is a byproduct of seven years as the only boy hanging with a dad who still plays video games, reads comic books, loves Marvel movies, and watches cartoons. New Spider-Man video game? We’re playing together. New Avengers movie? We’re there opening weekend together. New Transformers cartoon on Netflix? I get in trouble for watching without him. Our friendship has allowed me a greater understanding of who he is and who he is becoming.

I constantly seek knowledge about all sorts of things. I want to not only expand my perspective but challenge it as well. Oprah once said the best interviews make her say, “I’ve never thought about it that way.” To me, that signifies growth. I take the same approach with being a father. My friend laughed at me one time because he saw an alert pop up on my phone from a blog I subscribed to called Fatherly. I was a consistent reader when Ethan was on the way and his first few years. At times, the teacher can be my son himself. Ageism is often a challenge recent graduates face when entering the workforce. An assumption is made that they can’t possibly know anything because they are young and fresh out of school. But, I’ve experienced the opposite. Especially as an IT Project Manager, the question “Why have you done it that way?” can lead to enlightenment and innovation. As a father, I don’t only seek knowledge from books, blogs, etc. I pay attention to my sons’ reactions, behavior, and emotions because they are teaching me how to better parent them without knowing it.

Communication channels and techniques are essential to my professional success as a consultant and an adjunct professor. As I join and manage different projects at work, I work with different resources, personalities, and personnel at various levels on the organization chart. These attributes play a factor in determining the best method to communicate the information I need to convey. As a professor, I receive a new batch of 20-25 students every semester. And there has not been one time where I haven’t had to repeat myself when lecturing or explaining an assignment. People hear the exact words and interpret them differently. The same goes for kids, even more so with younger children. It’s my job as the parent to not get frustrated, even though at times I definitely do, and figure out the best way to communicate with my child. Changing our approach as parents is not optional. As grown-ups, we should adapt to our children’s needs and not vice versa. It takes a lot³ of patience.

When I lose my patience, I send Ethan to his room. For him, it allows him to calm down. For me, it lets me reset as opposed to raising my voice. It allows me time to figure out a different approach or find another way to motivate & communicate with him. In those times, I’m purposeful with my affirmations of him. Even in everyday activities like video games or playing outside, I make a big deal out of any success.

At the playground when he was maybe five years old, there was a high point, from a kid’s perspective at least, where other kids were jumping off. He ran up, following my friends’ daughter, Kennedy. She jumped without hesitation and stuck the landing. He froze when it was his turn, and I knew what was coming next. He let another kid go in front of him, then another and another. He was terrified. Me and⁷ Keith encouraged him and assured him he would be OK. He didn’t trust a word we said and went off to play elsewhere on the playground, but the high point jump was the spot all the kids kept coming back to. Once again, he froze. Then he came down and told me he didn’t want to play anymore. In my mind, we weren’t leaving until he jumped. Dad’s are competitive that way. But I also wasn’t going to force him. Instead, I just talked with him. I let him know that I was 100% certain he could do it. Like out of a Disney movie, he followed Kennedy back to the high point again. She jumped. Without me saying a word Ethan jumped next and landed with no problem. He had a look of accomplishment and a face that said, “that was easy!” That was the first time I can remember witnessing him conquer his fear. I was beyond proud. We celebrated as if he’d just thrown the game-winning touchdown in the Super Bowl! Also, that meant we had to stay at the playground another 30 minutes while he did laps jumping from the top!

I believe my sons can do and be anything. It’s more important for them to believe it too.

1. Better known as Omarion! [↩]
2. A paycheck is a priority. [↩]
3. A LOT! [↩] [↩]
4. I know thousands of Black parents who would disagree. [↩]
5. When he doesn’t just fall asleep in the middle of the floor. [↩]
6. Probably majority. [↩]
7. The other [↩]