Who knew you could enjoy something so terrifying?

I love being a dad. Not in a corny cliché way either. I mean, it’s literally the best thing ever. Who knew you could enjoy something so terrifying? Recently the wife was out of town for 5 days. I want to say that’s the longest I’ve been on daddy duty solo. First, I commend all the single parents who do it every day without reinforcements. I can say with certainty that I couldn’t do it. There are times as a parent, especially with younger¹ children, where you simply want to hide. Runaway and do what you enjoy to decompress. These past 5 days were a true test of my patience, to say the least. I didn’t have the option of hiding in my basement for an hour² from my kids to just relax. That being said, there are little moments that make it all worthwhile.

In retrospect, the 5 days weren’t actually that bad. Wednesday through Friday, the boys were in school and daycare during the day. I had to teach via Zoom the first evening, and Lennox made it known he was my teachers’ aide for the evening. Thank goodness for the mute button. On day 2, I managed to get away to see Hasan Minaj at the Kennedy Center. I bought the tickets without realizing my wife was out of town. Auntie came through and babysat the boys for a few hours so I could make the show. Day 3 I picked up Lennox early, and we grabbed Ethan and went to my mom’s house. The boys love GG’s house mostly because they have free reign. Day 4 was Saturday, which meant we all would be going crazy by 6 PM if we didn’t do something. My brother brought my niece over, and we headed to Main Event, which has arcade games, bowling, and laser tag. In other words, a great³ way to spend a Saturday. Four hours later, we managed to do everything in Main Event and grab Coldstone milkshakes on the way home. After a bath, it was time for a movie and to pass out. On day 5, I was exhausted and out of ideas. We just lounged around the house and had a lazy Sunday. Fortunately, the meltdown never came, thanks to a 2-hour nap mid-day. We made it.

I didn’t go into those 5 days with any real plan other than to keep the boys occupied and hope for the best. Now that I say that aloud that might be my overall parental strategy. Though I’ve read numerous parenting books, there isn’t a guide that will guarantee your kids’ success. I often think about my parents’ approach and can see me replicating it now. In essence, it comes down to exposing your kids to as many positive experiences as possible with the hopes that natural talent or interest arises and carries them the rest of the way. Recently, I took Ethan to the bookstore, and I asked him if he knew if this was one of my favorite things to do? He replied, “no, why is it your favorite?” I explained it was because of the virtually endless possibilities to come across something new that would be entertaining or educational. We spent time flipping through everything from graphic novels, cookbooks, chapter books for him, and new mystery/thriller novels for me. We discovered a games section in the bookstore, which we somehow had overlooked on our previous visits. We left with a new board game to learn how to play together⁴.

Being a dad is amazing. Being a dad is terrifying, especially for two black boys. I’m trying to do my best. But really, I don’t know what I’m doing. I just hope my sons think I’m doing a good job.

1. Bossy and demanding, yet adorable and cuddly [↩]
2. Or 3! [↩]
3. Expensive! [↩]
4. Less screen time, more family time [↩]